'Tis the Season to Transform: Part 1

(A 'Potion Place' Story)

by grapehyacinth

After drinking some “Ultimate” transformation potion, Julian was scrambling to make his girlfriend Lexi comfortable as they prepared to watch television.

Lexi settled down on the couch. “Julian, what are you becoming?” she viewed him curiously as he lay his head in her lap and began to melt. “Are you turning into goo on me or something? Don't! I'm not in the mood for that!”

“I'm not turning into goo! Don't you see I'm getting all...cottony?” said a face in the plush material that was forming over her legs. “I'm turning into a blanket for you. I'll keep you warm since you're always cold. And I feel so good like this...I'm all soft, and I feel you up against me.”

Julian was a newcomer not just to transforming, but to the world itself. After Mr. Wintergreen, owner of the Potion Place, created a special potion for the lonely, depressed Lexi, she had used it to create a male twin of herself. After the potion wore off, he had ceased to exist, but not before she fell in love with him. Losing him rendered Lexi even worse off until Lance Wintergreen and his wife Barbara worked some very powerful magics to bring Julian back.

Now he was a real, flesh-and-blood man. As he was originally part of Lexi, he still retained her memories, but now he was an entirely different entity than her. She had often questioned if it was acceptable to be in love with one's twin, but Mr. Wintergreen assured her now that, despite his retaining her memories, Julian was a truly separate individual with very dissimilar genetic material.

“How is that possible?” Julian himself had inquired.

“I made it that way,” Mr. Wintergreen had responded smugly. “Just in case you marry and have kids.”

“This guy really plans ahead,” Julian had laughed, tapping the man on the back.

“He sure does. He's Mr. Wintergreen,” Lexi had responded, her eyes twinkling.

So here they were, and Lexi was happier than she had been since she had called off her original marriage so long ago. Julian could not do enough to make her content, although Lexi's friend Caroline insisted that that wouldn't last for long.

But meanwhile, it was definitely nice when she needed a foot massage and her boyfriend transformed into a foot bath around her weary feet...

“Mm...let me in,” murmured the blanket as it pushed between her legs. She snapped them together tightly, catching him. The blanket emitted a surprised gasp.

“Julian,” she fished him out, “Not now. I just wanted to watch TV a bit.” She clicked on the remote, stroking the blanket idly.

The news flashed on. The 'Local Around the Country' segment was airing, and a reporter was saying, “A stream of juvenile crime has been sweeping the town of San Lucia, California. More on this after a brief break...”

Lexi grasped at the blanket. “Hey, that's where Jim and Gena live!”

The soft material snuggled against her legs. “Oh, so nice. I like being flat. Oh my God, I just thought of something.”

“What?”

“I want to be a kite!”

“A kite?” Lexi repeated with half an ear on the TV. “Julian, what's going on in San Lucia?”

With a large 'pop', the blanket twisted into a diamond shape. “Oops! Wasn't planning on actually doing that right now.”

Laughing, Lexi held up her kite-boyfriend. His face made up most of his surface, and one could just make out where his arms would have been. “Julian, the way I see parts of you makes you look like one of those cartoons where a person is crushed into a cube or something...”

“Fly me.”

“I want to see the news!”

The kite's lips drew into a pout. “Oh, come on, just a little? Send me sailing into the clouds...”

“Not at night. Sit and watch with me. It's been a long day.”

“Oo, a cube!” The kite gained mass and fell to the floor, now a version of Julian...cubed.

“Julian, please just...let's sit.”

“I am.” He paused, a sly grin coming across his flat face. “I'm sitting...square on my...” the cube's face appeared slightly crestfallen.

“Yes. Your joke doesn't make sense.  Cubes don't have rear ends.”

The cube wiggled. “I still need to make you comfy...oh, here!” The square suddenly inflated into amorphous shiny leather.

“What are you now, Julian?”

It smiled. “I'm a beanbag chair! Just like we, uh, you... had as a kid!”

Lexi smiled in spite of herself. “Oh, Julian...”

“Sit on me?”

Rolling her eyes, she plopped down into her boyfriend, and his form moved to accommodate her. “Comfy?”

“Yes, Julian. You're very comfortable. Now let's watch.”

The reporter was back on, walking down a suburban street. “It might look quiet, and it always does. But no one knows who or what will happen next. The high schoolers at San Lucia High have had enough. After the latest budget cutback, they lost all afterschool activities and special subjects, and they're...revolting. And I mean, like war.”

The camera cut to an older woman. “They sprayed something all over the botanical gardens...such a shame. So many rare and beautiful plants were destroyed...”

A man was next, “The graffiti is everywhere!  It's horrendous!”

And then a familiar face came on. “This is Gena Marks, a scientist at one of our famed labs,” announced the reporter from behind camera. “Gena, what happened here?”

“They raided our lab. Several very important, priceless machines were destroyed, and two experiments that were going on for decades have been lost. What we've lost here is... indescribable.”

“Hey! That's Gena!” yelled Lexi and her chair simultaneously.

“The famed San Lucia holiday display and midnight party in the town square has been canceled for the first time in one-hundred and eight years. The mayor hopes this will halt the children's activities, for as of now, none of the perpetrators have been caught, and no one is cooperating with the police...”

“Gena was on the news! She's famous!” cried the chair.

Lexi tapped him in amusement. “Well, hardly. But we should give her a call.”

“Wait. I have other things I need for you to do first.”

“What?”

“Merge with me. Being a beanbag chair is a trip!”

“A trip? Where'd you get that from, Julian? I don't say that.”

“I've been watching TV. Now come on in.”

A grinning Lexi allowed herself to be swallowed into his lumpy form and she became part of it. Now that she had her Julian, merging was one of her favorite things to do.

“Hello, Caroline?”

“Gena? Hey!”

“Can you talk? I mean, are you and Ryan still an erotic statue?”

“No, actually, we're two agate bookends.”

Gena paused. She honestly was not sure whether her friend was serious or not. “Um...”

“It's okay. It's kind of like a vacation spot for us, here in Ryan's boss' office. We spy on the bastard. There's always something interesting going on here.”

“Uh... first of all, how are you talking on the phone, and second, don't you guys ever work?”

“Oh, we do this just like when we turn ourselves into art or something. We take 'human' breaks to check messages... Well, I'm human. Ryan's my phone. He loves being electronics. Say hi to Gena, Ry. I can't believe she called on human time. Did the ring feel good?”

The phone made a crackling sound. “Felt great to ring. Hey, Gena. Have you ever been a phone?”

“Yes. And an answering machine, too.”

“Hey! That's awesome! I'll try that next!”

Gena paused, then asked again, “How do you go to work if you're geodes?”

“Agates,” corrected the phone.

Caroline explained, “When we're finished being bookends, we replace ourselves with real ones. Ryan's boss's office is a very 'happening' place, actually. We keep up to date on the latest gossip...”

“Speaking of the latest gossip, have you seen what's going on in my town?”

“Sorry, rocks don't watch TV.”

After Gena outlined the goings-on in San Lucia, she ended with, “I'm going to stop these kids. But I need your help. Can you come by? We'll stop the kids, and then I'm going to have a massive holiday party. Well, not massive amounts of people. But massive amounts of potion-related...fun...” Gena lapsed into her scientist voice.

“We'll be there!” cried Caroline.

“What about the 'Hall of Erotic Gems' we were going to join next week, Caroline?”

“It can wait, Ryan.”

Gena chuckled. “Erotic gems, huh? I can't even imagine. See you guys soon! Bye!”

When Gena hung up, Caroline and Ryan continued to converse.

“I thought Gena is an atheist.”

“They both are. They can still have a party, though.”

They both turned back into bookends. “Hey, with this party, you can finally fly me cross-country, Ryan!” said the left bookend.

“You don't want to just travel through the internet?” queried the right bookend.

“Being a plane's much more fun.”

“Flying you's even funner.”

“Ryan?”

“What?”

“'Funner' isn't a real word.”

“Sorry.”

“Max is going to come by,” Gena called to her husband as she washed dishes. When she did not receive a response, she turned off the water and shouted, “Jim!”

Several bubbles came to the surface of a fishbowl on the counter, and then a goldfish popped its head from the water. “What?” it yelled.

“Max! My nephew!”

“Is what?”

“Coming to the party! A bit late, but he'll be there eventually. He's visiting California with his girlfriend Carla.”

“Hang on, I need water,” the fish dove to the bottom, then resurfaced, propping its fins on the rim of the bowl to hold itself up. “Did he run out of Ultimate Potion, I'm guessing?”

Gena blushed, putting a plate in the dishwasher and closing it. “Yes. He used most of it up spiking the punch at a frat party.”

“Ha! I heard about that! I'm glad he decided not to pledge after all.”

“No, he and Carla are doing all the music stuff together instead. He's a trumpet player, and she plays clarinet. They're in band, orchestra, marching band...”

The fish dunked its head in the water and then popped back out. “I miss that stuff. We should play instruments again. You play piano so nicely, and...”

“Carla turned into a bird at that party, and Max says it's all she ever talks about. He promised to get more potion so she can do other changes. You know, he's really falling for her. I wonder if they'll marry?”

“I wonder if Lexi and Julian will?”

“How can they possibly not?” Gena dried her hands on a dishtowel. “I still have to call her and the Wintergreens. I hope they can all come.”

“If you're trying to teach someone a lesson through magical potions, you can be sure Lance Wintergreen will be there,” Jim chuckled, and dove back into his water.

When Lexi's phone rang, the new beanbag chair was none too pleased. It took on a strange sheen as a womanly figure extracted herself from it and solidified into Lexi. “I'm coming, I'm coming.”

“Come back,” said the beanbag. “They'll leave a message. My stuffing is lonely.”

“Oh, Julian,” Lexi waved at him dismissively as she picked up the phone. “Oh, it's Gena! Gena, we saw you on the news! What's going on over there?”

“It's crazy, Lexi. The whole town's going to hell because the kids are taking over.”

“Taking over? Sounds like something out of Grimm's Fairy Tales.”

“Well, not quite, but the problem is it's not one kid. Different kids are doing different things. It's like they're all united for a common cause.”

“Great. 'Children of the Corn'.”

Gena laughed. “It's okay. With a little potion, we can scare them a bit, and it'll be fine. As it is, I think they already made their point. The district's in talks to fix the budget and add back programs.”

“The kids aren't stopping, though?”

“Not yet. Which is why I'm calling. I'm asking you guys to come help. Then I'm throwing a holiday party.”

“I'll check with Julian.”

“Check? Does he have a job yet?”

“Well, I'm trying to get him in at my job. Considering he has the exact skill set as me...”

“Fly me faster, Ryan! Gena wants us there before dark!” cried the pink Caroline-airplane.

Her pilot groaned. “You know, being so small makes it harder to fly you. I'm not sure why. You'd think everything would feel the same. And having that full-sized wine bottle in your back seat doesn't help matters.”

“Always bring a hostess gift,” the plane giggled, making them bounce up and down.

“Oh, God, don't do that, Caroline. I felt it in my stomach.”

“I wanted to be a regular-sized plane! Then you'd have been fine!”

“And how would we explain it when you show up on the radar?”

“We still might.”

“You're not much more than a foot long, Caroline. I'm guessing they'd ignore small things like you.”

They coasted a while in silence. “We're almost there,” uttered Ryan, taking the plane lower down.

The aircraft dipped its nosecone down. “You know what? It's weird, but it seems like this town is not lit up as much as the surrounding ones.”

“Gena said a lot of people aren't decorating because the kids are going around ripping stuff down.”

“That's sad. We really need to stop them.” The plane seemed deep in thought before it mumbled, “I should be a string of lights. Just let someone pull me down. Ha, ha. They'll be scarred for life.”

Ryan chuckled. “That would be awesome. Let's do it.”

“Jim, get the door!”

“I can't. I'm a fish!”

“Jim, you said you'd turn back for the party!”

“Fine!” said an angry voice behind Gena. She turned to find her husband behind her, dripping wet.

Laughing, Gena uttered, “You usually time the change so you're not drenched when you're back to human. What happened?”

“I botched it,” he muttered, going to answer the insistent banging at the door. “It's the UPS guy,” he called, opening it. A man stood there, handing him a box.

“I bet this is Lexi,” Jim grumbled as he accepted it.

The deliveryman looked at him oddly. “Uh, Happy Holidays,” he said, and walked quickly back to his truck.

“Is it?” Gena called from inside the house.

“It's both of us!” proclaimed the box. Two sets of arms started to sprout from it.

“Lexi, wait until I bring you guys inside!”

As Jim turned, something shot past. “Incoming!!”

Instinctively, Jim swatted the air. “What the–”

“Jim, don't shut the door! It's us!”

Jim turned back around, scanning the sky. “Who?”

The plane touched the ground. It let out its tiny passenger, which grew into Ryan. “Hey, Dude!” Ryan swatted Jim on the back, almost knocking the living box from his hands.

“Oh...Ryan...” he looked down at the smiling pink plane. “You flew Caroline, huh?”

The plane laughed. “Yeah! We do that!”

“Actually took piloting classes to fly her too, believe it or not.” Ryan plucked the wine bottle from the plane's back seat and handed it to Jim.

“Why? She could fly herself,” Jim said, searching for a hint as to what type of wine he'd been handed. There was no label, however.

The plane enlarged into a human Caroline. "It's more real this way."  She swatted the box. “Hey, Lexi! Change back!”

Jim grew annoyed, glancing around at the neighboring houses. “No! No! Get inside! It's bad enough you two changed out here! Can't you be more careful?  Someone will see!” He pulled them inside. “Wait a minute, Lexi! Let me put you guys down first!” The box was half-Lexi, half-Julian before it had even met with the floor.

“Welcome,” Jim said defeatedly.

Caroline scrutinized the room, observing the general lack of decoration. “Hey, nice house, guys.”

Gena walked in from the kitchen. “Thanks. We have a lot to do since we moved here, maybe pick out some art, paint... That should take a good two to three years, knowing Jim and me.”

“Are the Wintergreens here yet?” Lexi asked, scanning the area.

Jim chuckle, placing the wine bottle on a side table. “I like how you're looking around for them."

“Well, they could be anything.”

“They're not here yet. They should be by any minute. They're going to help us out, then they wanted to check in with friends before coming back to our party,” Gena said. “So have a seat, guys.”

Caroline plunked down on the couch, then made a face as she ran her hand over it. “This couch is so lumpy. Here, let me fix it.”

Before Gena could protest, Caroline had sunk into it. The couch began to rearrange itself, the bumps smoothing out into a firm surface. “There. Now sit on me,” it instructed.

“Caroline, I'm not sitting on you,” muttered Jim with a glance at his wife.

With a running leap, Ryan threw himself on the couch. “I will!” He ran his hand over its cushions. “Oh, nice. Caroline. You did a nice job.”

Gena looked at her couch, trying to cover her annoyance at Caroline's meddling. “Thanks, Caroline. I'm sure that will help. It was kind of old.” She did not, however, sit down.

A dubious Julian picked up on this however, and tried to steer the conversation away.  “I thought you said your nephew Max was coming."

“Yes, way later. He's exploring with his girlfriend. She's never been out here. I'd rather not have them help us terrorize the local students, anyway. We wouldn't be setting a good example.”

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Before Jim could answer it, an iridescent light flowed under the door and gathered itself up in front of them.

“Hello, Mr. Wintergreen,” Jim said off-handedly. He then gazed back towards the kitchen, where his fishbowl beckoned...

“It's me too!” cried his wife's voice from the light.

“Cool! They're merged as light?” Julian asked wondrously.

The glowing mass melted to the floor, and two bodies formed from it. “Yes, and you ruined our surprise,” said the one that became Lance Wintergreen, owner of the Potion Place.

“A mysterious light coming under their door is hardly a surprise, considering they're expecting you,” Caroline pointed out.

“Well, still. Talking orbs can be cool around the holidays,” Ryan admitted with a snide smile.

The mention of lights brought Caroline forth. Standing in front of them all, she raised her arms in the air. “And that's the first thing I want to do.”

“What?”

“To stop the kids.”

“We just got here,” Mr. Wintergreen balked.

“Oh, Lance!” cried his wife. “We have to get started. We have to still visit the Littletons before we can get back here to celebrate.”

“But Barbara, I...”

Gena studied Caroline with interest. “What do you plan on doing, Caroline?”

Caroline clasped her hands together. “You say they're ripping down holiday decorations, right? Well, I'm going to become the most awesome string of lights ever. And if I get ripped down...well, that person's gonna be sorry.”

Most of the group was snickering at the thought. Jim looked worried. “Don't kill anyone. We're just trying to scare people.”

“Jim, I've been many things. But never a murderer,” Caroline said with a wink.

“I'm going to be the lights with you,” Ryan added. “Just to keep you safe.”

“If I'm lights, I'm safe. But you're welcomed to join in the fun anyway.”

Julian scratched his head. “What can the rest of us do?”

“Well, it seems as if we split up, we can get more accomplished, so...” Jim began.

“That's fine, you guys do that, Caroline and Ryan,” Gena said, taking charge. “What I'm planning on doing is flying around as a bird or bat. I'll keep an eye open for any mischief, and when I find it, I'll stop it.”

“Okay. Sounds good. We can all do that,” said Lexi.

“Why can't we just be huge dinosaurs and terrorize the town?” asked Julian.

Everyone stared at him, wondering if he were serious or not.

“Because we can't,” replied Jim, walking to the door and opening it a crack. “I guess we've all had Ultimate Potion so no one needs a top-off, right?”

Everyone nodded.

Jim shrank into the form of a seagull. “Then let's get to it!” the bird cried.

Seven seagulls took off from Lexi's lawn. Everyone found it amusing that Lexi and Julian had chosen to merge and become one bird.

“Who's in charge?” asked Ryan, the bird flying closest to them.

“Lexi is!” it burst out in Julian's voice.

“Until I'm bored or tired. Then Julian takes over our form.”

Ryan paused, gazing at Caroline flying beside him. “That's not a bad idea. You get a break from...well, being...”

A large building came into view, and Gena called, “Caroline, that's my lab. It's the perfect place to turn into lights. It's the tallest building in town – you'll be seen for miles!”

Caroline agreed wholeheartedly. “Let's do it, Ryan!” she ordered, and the couple began to descend. “See you guys at the party later.”

“You remember my address?” Gena prompted.

“Yup! We'll be there by...I don't know, eleven at the latest?”

“Whatever. It's open-door. Have fun!”

“Oh, we will,” Ryan answered for her in a rather disturbing voice.

“Oh, God, Caroline! There's nothing like becoming part of you.”

Standing on the roof of Gena's lab, Ryan and Caroline were clutching each other for dear life as they liquefied and ran together. “Mmm...watery,” Caroline groaned as they began to melt to the floor. When they were nothing but a colorful puddle, Ryan made an odd sound.

“What? Not pleasant enough for you, Ryan?”

“No, it's just, whenever we merge into...anything, we often become a puddle first. Why?”

Caroline's giggle rippled their surface, making Ryan moan contentedly. “Because I like being gooey puddles?”

“You guys are so into that. Why don't we merge directly into the object next time?”

Caroline was quiet as she pondered this. “Hm. I guess we could. But right now, let's shape this puddly mass into some breathtaking lights.”

“Make us awesome. It's all up to you.”

Ryan shuddered with delight as Caroline began to shape them. She was the master at shape-shifting, even beating his outlandish ideas. He could feel their form elongating and thinning, while light after light popped out from their sides. They then separated into hundreds of branches, and Ryan knew he and Caroline were becoming no ordinary set of lights.

They poured over the roof and down the sides of the building, snaking around corners and up and down gutters. “Weee!” Caroline shrilled. “It's like a ride!”

They were growing like a vine, covering every part of the brick surface. “Caroline, you have to give us a plug somewhere!” Ryan reminded her.

“I gotta find us one...oh, here! By the door.”

Their tines inserted into the plug, and the burst of electricity brought their transformation to a conclusion. Their bulbs lit up the building like it was the Fourth of July, and they laid in wait for their victims.

“My God, what is that?”

“It's Caroline and Ryan! Look! They completely covered the whole building as lights!”

“Sh!” Mr. Wintergreen hissed. “Look down there!”

The small flock of seagulls was passing a supermarket where at least ten teenagers were spraying the back wall.

“Barbara?” Lance Wintergreen looked at his wife, his eyes hungry.

“This one's ours,” she replied, beaming.

The couple flew towards the building, waving their friends good-bye.

“Shelly, it's not art, it's graffiti! Make a mess!” one of the boys yelled.

The young girl shook the spray can, her hand shaking. “I've never done this. I've never done anything against the law. I'm so freaked out.”

Another boy pulled the can from her hands. “Damn, you're acting like a wussy kid. Give me this. Let's lay this building to waste!” The red spray bathed the wall with sayings like “Go to HELL Bitches” and “F the PTA”.

“Look what I'm gonna write here!” As he began to spray a pristine part of the wall, the stone seemed to cringe. The boy stood back, rubbing his eyes. “What the...”

“What's wrong, Rafe?  Too clean for you?” jeered another boy, spraying the spot for him.

And then there was a face in the stone.

“How dare you spray me?”

Rafe and his friend screamed and dropped their cans to the ground. The rest of the teens, who were several feet away, laughed.

“Who said that?” asked Shelly with worry.

“I did!” shouted the wall in a more female voice.

Another face formed beside the first and howled, “And you better not do it again or we'll turn you into...stone! Just like we are!”

“F that!” cried another boy. With a jittery hand, he sprayed right into the second face.

Sputtering, the wall mumbled something, and the children began to shriek.

“I can't move!”

“I feel...weird...”

“Help...”

The teens were now statues in various odd poses, but their unblinking eyes were all fixed on the Wintergreens, who stepped from the wall. “Yes, you're all statues, and yes, I know you can all hear me. Now listen, if I find you guys doing anymore mischief, you might end up far worse than statues.”

The older couple stood there a moment, surveying Lance's handiwork. “They're like one of those displays at a park or play area, you know, Barbara?” he said. “Like little statues of playing children?”

“Only these statues aren't looking so playful, are they?”

“Ha, ha.  Kids, I'm going to change you back now, but I'm warning you. Anything further, and you might end up as parts of an ornate fountain in my garden!”

Slowly, the stone monuments began to move until they were flesh and blood once more. The girls were teary-eyed, the boys were shaking and open-mouthed.

“Get home and stop defacing public property. You've made your point, and it's been noted. That's enough. Now go!”

When Lance Wintergreen raised his arms and fire issued forth, the kids ran.

“And tell your friends to cut out the silly garbage too!”

“The 'Y” is closed right now. I swear!”

Jim darted down for a closer look. “There's kids in there, Gena.”

Lexi and Julian nodded at them. “All yours, guys.”

Jim rubbed his wings together, itching to get inside.

The last bird flew off while the scientist husband and wife team shrank down until they were able to fit under the window.

From their high perch, they could see the damage the teens had done. Chairs and tables were overturned, and shaving cream was smeared all over.

“Talk about childish. Shaving cream? I mean, we did that on Halloween when we were kids.”

“Jim, I never thought of you as a troublemaker.”

“I wasn't. But I did partake in a shaving cream fight or two.”

They watched as the crowd of teens one by one jumped into the Olympic-sized pool. “Our work here is complete!” yelled one, as he cannon-balled into the deep end.

“Hey, I wanted to say that,” Jim mumbled. “And soon.”

“Oh, I know what we can do!” Gena became a tiny ball of light. No one noticed her dive into the pool.

A face formed in the water. “Get out,” it demanded.

But against the screaming and laughing, no one heard. “OUT!” she yelled again.

“I don't think that's working,” said Jim, hovering over her as a firefly. “Want some help?”

“Hm. They like shaving cream? Well, try this, you little bastards!”

The water began to churn and whiten. It thickened and grew bubbly.

“Hey!” yelled one boy, blowing at the foam. “It's like...turning into shaving cream! Awesome!” The rest of the children joined him, laughing and tossing Gena's bubbles at each other.

“My dear wife, I was going to join you as a poolful of shaving cream, but that doesn't seem to be working.”

“Damn it, Jim! Why aren't they scared? I think they're drunk! They're loving me like this!”

Jim was chuckling.

“What is it?”

“You.”

“Me what?”

“You finally said 'Damn it, Jim', like in 'Star Trek'.”

Gena growled in frustration. “This isn't funny! What do we do?” She became water once more, allowing herself to get particularly warm. All this achieved was to make the teens more comfortable.

“It's heated! Dude! Awesome.”

“Ah, it's like a hot tub!”

Jim stared down at the pool that was his wife. He wanted to be with her, surrounded by her... And the urge to become a fish was particularly heavy...

“Shark! Shark!”

The kids began to scream as the enormous shark snapped at their feet.

“It dove into the pool! Where'd it come from?” one girl screamed as she pulled herself out in the nick of time.

“Help! Help!”

“Nice, Jim,” the water murmured as the handsome shark's grin displayed its many teeth.

When all the teens were out of the pool, the shark drew up to the steps. “Get the hell out of here and don't you ever come back!”

“It talks!”

“And so do I!” cried the water.

More screaming ensued.

“And if you don't stop the vandalism, he'll eat you!” the water yelled.

“And I'll do it very slowly! Now get out of here!”

The children left, some only partially clothed.

“Now,” said the shark to his pool, “Let me enjoy my wife properly.”

“I could stay like this all night, Ryan. Couldn't you?”

The string of lights made a motion that was reminiscent of a nod. “Of course you could. You love being big things.”

“Well, I'm not really big. I'm like...strung all around something big.”

“You're big. Well, long. But really long is...big.”

They shone their colors proudly into the night, and Caroline enjoyed flicking some bulbs on and off.

Then there was a tug on their bottom right hand corner.

“What was that?” Ryan hissed.

Another tug ensued, followed by a feeling of being wrenched from the building that supported them. “Oh, my God, Ryan! It's them! They're doing it! Our trap worked!”

A group of four boys and four girls were spreading around the building's foundation, pulling at the maze of lights. “Wow, they put this up awful fast,” one commented.

“And how the hell are they even staying up? The whole building is like...plastered with them.”

“Rip 'em the hell down! Go!”

With a chorus of shouts, the children set to work. Caroline remained surprisingly silent as her miles-long form was wrenched down.

Well? Ryan asked in their merged mind.

Well, what?

Are you just going to let them do this to us?

Give me a second. I'm enjoying it. The feeling of being helpless, being wrenched from where I belong, being so long and thin...

Ryan watched the children get rowdier and rowdier. Finally he had had enough. That's it! Now they're breaking our bulbs!

Mmm...it feels nice, though, doesn't it? Like a burst of pleasure! Kind of like when I'm gum and you blow me into a bubble and pop me.

Caroline, no. That's it. I'm stopping them.

Taking control of their form, Ryan began to snake their wires around whomever was in contact with them. That'll teach the little bastards, he said.

Caroline did not protest. Apparently this new development was just as pleasant.

The children began to scream as the yards of lights coiled around them like snakes. Soon the whole group was restrained and had been reduced to crying juveniles. “Help! Help!” several of the boys yelled.

One of the red bulbs grew to the size of a large watermelon.  A face formed on it, which glared angrily at the children. “If you ever, ever pull any of this crap again, we won't stop here. We will strangle the life out of you.”

The lights lessened their grip and fell to the ground, freeing the children. They ran off even as Ryan was shrieking, “Get the hell home! Now!”

When Caroline merely groaned in reaction, Ryan expressed his irritation. “I thought you were going to stop them all like this, not me. You were all set. What happened?”

A face appeared on a green light several bulbs down. “Sorry, Ry. I was enjoying this so much, I really didn't care about the kids. I liked what they were doing to us.”

“But...but Caroline...”

The green bulb sighed. “Sorry. I know we have to stop them. I'll think of something else. Yes. I won't let anyone down.” The bulb grew larger and larger until it was bigger than Ryan by far. “Yes! I'll stop all of them! OH!” The bulb broke into shards with a happy sigh.

The Lexi/Julian bird sat on the awning of Gabey's Toys, a favorite store for many of the town's younger children. “It's so sad that they can't even do their annual holiday decorating because of these kids,” the creature said out loud.

“Lexi, there's a group of them coming. They're whispering and they... Hey, they have hammers?”

The children set on the toy store window before Lexi and Julian could react. No alarm sounded, and the kids were quickly inside. The bird fluttered down and separated into Lexi and Julian. “I have a plan,” said Lexi.

Julian nodded. “I do too.”

A large life-sized clown doll sat at the front of the store. “Damn, I've always thought this thing is creepy,” remarked the ringleader of the children. He pulled at the doll's arm.

“Cut that out, you little jerk!” snapped the clown, yanking its arm from the child's grip.

The boy's eyes bugged out. “Wow! It's like, a computer or something! Tommy, check this out!”

The boy named Tommy came near, but was impeded by a two-foot tall ballerina doll that had dropped into its path. “Get out,” it demanded in a tiny voice.

“Cool! An evil talking ballerina doll, guys!” Tommy exclaimed, picking the doll up and staring into its very life-like eyes.

“Put me down!” the doll bit at him.

“Ow! It has like...teeth!”

Even though Lexi was mostly plastic, it was unpleasant for her to drop to the floor. “That dented my feet!” she cried in anger. She realized that although Julian had merged with the clown doll, it obviously was not scary enough. They needed to step things up a bit.

“Julian, twin!”

The doll glanced back at her. “After I wring this idiot's neck!” The clown's arms shot out and grabbed at the boy, who dodged him.

“Dude, these things are scary!” the boy yelped, ducking behind a display of toy soldiers.

Lexi meanwhile, had twinned herself, and now, in addition to the ballerina, she was also a plush six-foot dolphin. Although she was having trouble swishing across the floor in that form...

“A moving stuffed animal! Look how cute!” a girl jumped onto the dolphin's back, making it growl.

Julian smiled, and quickly separated himself. Soon he was also an oversized truck, smashing into the children's feet.

“Check out this insane truck! It's lost its mind!”

“This place is creepy!”

Lexi smiled to herself.  Perhaps their idea was effective after all...“More!” she exclaimed. “We need even more of us, Julian!”

Lexi created more copies of herself, and then merged them with a bouncing flower, two barbie dolls, a stuffed hippo, and a toy train. Julian became a whole box of army men, which he grew to three feet each. He became a toy tank as well for good measure.

As the horde of toys descended on the children, they began to run screaming from the store.

“Mission accomplished,” said the tank.

“Toot-toot,” replied the train.

“Those kids were bastards,” Ryan mumbled, pulling himself slowly back into human form.

Caroline watched as the other bulbs grew flesh-colored and were swallowed into the growing glob that was her boyfriend. “I agree. I want to go party. And I have an idea to stop the rest of the kids all at once.”  She allowed herself to transform from a broken green lightbulb back to human form.

“How will we do that?”

“Watch.”

"You're going to change again?"

Caroline's skin grew verdant, and her form shimmered and grew transparent.

“Uh, Caroline, what the hell are you doing to yourself?” 

“You'll see.” Caroline's answer, however, now emanated from a face that was situated at the top of a green, expanding orb. With each second, she was growing larger in every direction.

As she drew around her boyfriend, Ryan let out a laugh. “Hey, you tickle. What are you? The Angel of Death from “The Ten Commandments”?”

Her smiling face was floating beside him. “You know how I like to be big things?”

“Do I ever.”

“I'm going to take over this town.”

“As green gas?”

“Yes. I'm going to find every high-school age kid, and I'm going to end this once and for all.”

Caroline was at least a block wide now, and Ryan grew worried. “Wait, you're not going to kill anyone, are you?”

“Why does everyone ask me that?” The face was gone, but Ryan heard Caroline's voice echoing around the buildings. “No. I'm just going to scare them a little. Well...a lot.”

Ryan wondered at the wisdom of allowing his girlfriend to be unleashed on the town. “Let me join you,” he requested softly.

“Merge with me, lover.” The words boomed even louder than before, and as he became one with the fog, he realized he and Caroline were probably the largest thing he'd ever been.

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

Caroline's titter created a small wind.

They were everywhere at once. They were sliding under windowsills, flowing through the smallest cracks to get to the children inside their houses. They were following the marauding children through town, and finding them at restaurants and clubs.

The shouts of the terrified townspeople filled the night. “What's this green gas?”

“We're going to die!”

“Help! I'm going to be asphyxiated!”

They tried their best to involve the children only, but many times they were not able to. And this was fine with both of them.

“Mommy! There's green gas under my bed!”

“Timmy, can't you just use the bathroom?”

“It's going to kill me!”

“Not if you use the bathroom, it won't! Go to sleep!”

“Oh, please listen to me!”

The shouts of fear warmed Caroline's heart. She felt good. She was finally getting across to these children. She would save Gena's town.

And when every child had been surrounded, the gas proclaimed, “If you do not stop ruining your town, you will have me to answer to. If I witness even one more act of vandalism or mischief, you will regret the day you were born. I'm everywhere, and I'll be watching.”

The green gas went as quickly as it came, but it was on the news and talked about for weeks. And San Lucia's problem was officially solved.

For good.

The triumphant green phenomenon went back to Gena's house to party.